zxcvbm

Trying to stop my eyelids from giving away the most-common-after-lunch-secret (read 'sleep'), I am trying to type things on to my google page to keep myself engaged... so, I type zxcvbm (try typing that). and I get this as the first in the list.... 

Urban Dictionary: zxcvbnm

people punch these keys on the key board when they get irritated at their computer or have mental problems and believe this is a real word>
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=zxcvbnm - Cached - Similar

Its a beautiful night..... it has a soul of the early dawn as if its hopeful of something. As if the morning rays are hidden somewhere behind the tower of the temple, just waiting for the waking hours to light up the laden sky. Its an expectant night, and a mysterious one; awaking the piscean me. Oh how I love thinking these aimless thoughts, just witnessing the shows of the universe, and 'not thinking' about the more material thoughts of life. (or may be those thoughts aren't really 'material', may be they are too trivial to be thought about!)

I always have this feeling that I should do more with my life. Be more happy, accomplish more, do more things that please me...  its been such a long time that I have done something that really pleases me from within... for the first time I am feeling 'bound' by this marriage.... probably its a lot to do with so many people around (yes, the family visitors are always here!); I am not getting enough of the 'me' time.... and that makes me miss blore so much!!

and here I go turn my back towards the balcony railings and open myself to the sky... what a sky it is.... its 11 30 pm or 4 30 am? I just want to lie on the grass and look towards the sky... want the wind to mess up my hair while I stroll crushing the wet grass under my feet.

Step, trundle, quake.... are you listening?

There are learnings from the book and then there are learnings from experience.

From three jobs and three very different setups, there are several things that I have noticed about good leaders/ managers. Its difficult to cover them all in one post. So, the one that I want to write about today is "being closer to the ground".

The very first thing that this translates into is 'approachability' and 'knowledge of the ever-so-changing-ecosystem'. The more 'distant' you are from your subordinates, the more difficult it becomes to 'know' them,'manage' them, 'lead' them

It also translates into a sense of humility (at least some!). Success is difficult to manage on a personal level. A rapid climb-up in life boosts one's ego to the extent that it becomes really difficult to remain level-headed. And when one's head floats in the sky, well, they become oblivious of whats happening at the ground level... Closer to ground, also means that you understand your people, their motivations, their aspirations, and their individual 'role'in the whole ecosystem.

Being 'closer to the ground' also enables good leaders to see through immediate problems at hand and think about how things 'can evolve' in the future; this mean that the manager would get know when an approaching sound is a footstep, a trundle, or a quake..

Besides all, it lets you remain human....

PS: I am documenting these learnings so that I don't forget them when I need them the most! These are so simple and straightforward things, just that our visions get blurred to the obvious things in life!

PS 2: I love the fact that I am working. I can't imagine myself sitting at home.

Learnings from a job-seeker

Frequent job changes might or might not be good for your career.... and mind you its not optional at times, there is a bit of luck involved here... The if's that can disturb an ongoing job are numerous: my-new-boss-is-a-sickening-mentally-ill-incorrigible-ba****, -its-recession-time-so-, -we-think-that-you-are-the-worst-employee-that-we-have-seen-in-our-lifetime, or may be a softer...your-performance-is-not-upto-the-mark, -the-company-owner-passed-away-so-we-are-redoing-our-strategy, -you-have-become-expensive-for-us-after-your-promotion-this-year, -we-have-creditors-banging-on-our-door-so-.... mind you I am not making these up, these are all examples of what I have seen happening to my friends/ acquaintances/ colleagues.

But thats not what I was here to talk about.... I want to highlight that a 'job-search', however tedious, irritating, and at times f***ing frustrating process it might be, it does have a positive side to it:

1. You come to know your actual 'market price'; just in case your current salary made you forget that... of course you can be currently over-valued, under-valued.... 

2. You try to revise all the stuff that you read long time ago but were no longer useful for your current profile... its nice to breakaway from the lingo of your current profile and learn about something else

3. You try 'Linked-in'-ing more often

4. You look back to your current job (before the turmoil) and say 'oh, that was nice'.... now you wouldn't have said that when you were actually at that point of time...

5. You look at your CV and suddenly realize - oh hell, its been X years since I graduated!

Karma musings....

I believe all spheres of one's life are closely tied together with one common factor - the woman herself ("the man himself"; I sometimes like to choose 'woman' instead of man as a gender neutral noun - slightly eccentric but heck its my blog!)... Lets not digress... I was saying that I believe all spheres of one's life are closely tied together one common factor - the woman herself. Whether one is confident, responsible, sincere, detail driven etc... and most important the underlying philosphy "what drives you?".
If I have to categorize my philosphy in life, its very 'karma'-centric. It draws its inspiration from Geeta's "Do your best and leave the rest to the Lord", Ayn Rand's "objectivism", Kiplings "If", Jagdish's "Sach hum nahi...", Bachchan's "Madhushaala", .... and numerous other literary works.....

This reminds me how I have lost touch with the language I loved and admired so much - Hindi... the last post on my Hindi blog is dated Oct 2007. There was a time when I was so intrigued by the language that I wanted to take that up for further studies (of course joining Investment Banking was never a part of the plan, I didn't even knew that something like that existed).There was a time when I got 96% marks in Hindi in CBSE board - and I say that here to remind myself that there was a streak in me that I did not polish properly thereafter. I should do something about it - though I have thought about it many times - but the efforts havent been, I admit, half-hearted........


_______________

The above was an unfinished blog post from I don't know when.... I am publishing it now (in its unfinished form) with this small foot note saying that I am attempting to revive my Hindi literary capabilites... You can find the proof at http://shabdaurabhivyakti.blogspot.com/... well, I know I am still not there, considering where I was as a 12-14 yr old teenager... but I am trying... :)

Need suggestion

If you have been reading my blog for sometime.... you would know that there is an important character that has entered my blog... my boyfriend (people choose to call him my fiance too, coz technically we are engaged).

His intials are same as mine i.e. A.

So, I started calling him A2, but thats so uncool... So, I am in the process of finding a good blog name for him..... I can obv use his second name to form an acronym but thats not exciting too...

Ummm.... May be I can call him He-A and call myself She-A...... :O

But He-A sounds like He-man..... (btw how silly the word He-man is!!, perfect example of what we used to call redundancy in C++)...

May be I can call him Mr.A and call myself Ms.A.... but I do think there ought to be better choices!!!! :|

Dear diary

There was a time when I used to write my diary. Infact I started writing when I was 7 or 8 year old! and was more or less consistent. I left it during the last few years during my Bachelors. When I moved to Bangalore for my masters, I started writing again... That was the first time I wrote about love... and then things happened. I destroyed that beautiful piece of my life... It was both good and bad in a way. Good because it really really helped me get over with stuff (remember the scene in Jab-we-met where Kareena asks Shahid to tear off the girl's snap and flush it off!). Bad because somewhere I lost a part of me...

Well, now I am wondering should I start writing again? Hmm.... good question....

Thoughts unwinded

.... Mayawati erecting her own statues all over U.P.... heights of self-obsession... leave alone the thought about public money
.... job: well right now my only motivation is my salary... and probably the name... dont like the thing i am currently working on... i want to enjoy it but not happening right now. probably i should keep patience... and also i dont have an immediate alternative.... on an optimistic note, "to hell with it".... take your bucks and enjoy! well but...
... Hollowness meter: We are all hollow from within - the % of hollowness varies... we preach something, practice something else... We might think that we are practice what we preach but one deep look will give you an idea... we don't always keep pur promises... we expect something from the world, but refuse to give the world the same... I call all this being "hollow"... not 100% hollow... % would vary from person to person
... everybody has problems, has issues, has strengths, has weaknesses, has aspirations, has dreams, has respect...
... Women need no reservations... neither for the parliament seats, nor for jobs... the fact that women don't have proportionate jobs/ seats/ representation is because they don't deserve it.... I don't say that they don't have the potential, just that they do not have the will.... Till we earn it, we need not have it!
.... I find Rajdeep Sardesai very attractive... Karan thapar is good, udayan is good too... but Rajdeep makes me drool... (not always but often ;) )
.... Salsa is fun... salsa is hot... salsa is sensuous... i miss my bangalore salsa instructor
.... Indians are very very much racist - and there is no need for debate on facts.

How should we judge people?

How should we judge people? I have more or less been non-judgemental about people - but is that really the right thing to do?
A person makes decisions depending upon the ecosystem one lives in; and this ecosystem includes the people whom he/she is close to... this ecosystem not only includes the concerned person's belief system but also the interactions of other people in the ecosystem; so in a way a person's ecosystem is also affected by other people's belief systems. So, one should probably not ignore the role of other person's belief systems... and how do you get to know other people's belief systems - without judging them... probably here, we can differentiate between judging and being judgemental. But nonetheless, there arises a need for 'judging'.
There is a great deal of difference in what one preaches and what one practises... its true for 99.9999% of the human race. So, how do you judge a person? By his talks or by his actions? The easy answer is ofcourse actions, but then the results for 'judging on basis of actions' come long after they are needed! i.e. generally, in real life, one needs to place the trust on a person's talks (/walks/ mannerisms etc) before we can really get a chance to judge his actions.
I am not really sure how good or bad I am at judging people... I wish I knew... and even if I knew that I was bad, that wouldn't have really helped the decision-making...
Its probably a very important quality to pick up... and how do I pick it up?... back to where I started from "How should we judge people?"

The 40-over carnival

Colourful jerseys, weird coloured (golden! silver!) helmets. Film stars with designer glasses. Fancy names - kings, superkings, knights. One brand on the sleeve, another one of the helmet, and yet another one on the chest. Toned sexy models dancing enthusiastically at every instance the ball crosses the white rope - irrespective of whether the shot was a shot-or-misshot.

Well, lets not deny its an exciting format - and hence a huge marketing opportunity but such an overly stretched schedule doesnt help the cause of the other formats of the game. The senior players who never got time to play Ranji matches are suddenly going all out to prove themselves for the club teammates.... life is always a mixed bag. So, lets crib some and enjoy the rest :D

For better or for worse?

Singlehood. Independence. Fun. Friends. Love. Romance. High. Marriage. Couple. Family. Responsibilities. Compromises. Changes. Adjustments. Busy. Trapped. Lost. Different.

Is marriage a progression from a fun-filled life to a sad one? If the answer is a definite yes, why get married? Perhaps girls marry for stability and security; and guys?? Why should they get married. In fact why should even girls get married!! Why!! So many of my friends and cousins have got married recently. Each says life is 'different' after marriage (and they say it with a sad 'gone are those days' kind of tone)... My question is if marriage worsens one's life... why get married? I am about to get get married (Thank you Lord!) in a couple of months and when I see all these married people around me trapped under the burden of the societal pressures and norms... I get a little scared and ask myself time and again: "Are all marriages like this? Should I expect the same from my marriage too?".... All rational decisions are made towards betterment of one's current state; I am marrying by choice.... I am looking forward to my married life... no doubt there will be difficulties and changes but overall I hope our (me n ofcourse my A) marriage makes us happier. If it does not, probably we would have done some definite damage to our lives by getting married.

18 till I die!

I was hopping n' jumping around the house yesterday when a thought crossed my mind and I asked myself "How old do you feel 'A'?. The prompt answer was 20->>> no, 19->>> no, I feel 18... yes I still feel 18.

Of course there have been times when I have rumbled about crossing the mid 20s mark.... The thought that it was a good 7-8 years back when I crossed that '18' mark made me sad. I used to roll my eyes in disbelief - "8 years since 18! Gosh!"
But (giving a break to modesty) let me admit that today I feel happy to say - "8 years since 18, but I still feel 18! WOW!"

Probably this is the question we should ask ourselves every birthday - "So, how old do I feel?"

PS: While 90% of this achievement is solely because of me, let me thank another person for this.... My Mr. A**... Love is the best anti-ageing cream!

ideas cookin'

I have got lots of topics to write about: terrorism, psedo-secularism, morality, recession, personal updates, job, love etc.... but none too thought provoking as of now. So, I shall let those be baked properly till I can serve those here....

till then keep visiting!

June 08, 2008: On a one way ticket

(and again like few of the other posts, this was actually written aboard a flight from Delhi to Bangalore)

Travelling on a one way ticket is strange and full of memories. The sadness of leaving something behind and the enthusiasm of beginning on a new ground. Its like those schooldays when you were promoted to the next class - for better or for worst!! ;-)
I had been so busy with wrapping up things and packing stuff that didn't realise how May 15 got transformed into June 8. I didn't really feel it till sat (June 7) morning when I told him that... he is gonna miss me.... probably that was actually the realization of the opposite. And as I walked back from the checking counter to see him through the glass wall. I realized. But cheer up girl, these are going to be testing months but just 'transitional'!

---- after say 15 minutes ---

I do not particularly like eating while flying but the KF lunch was tempting and in the end quite satisfying. and as I move forward to make my tea... the milk powder sachet gets torn off in the most embarassing manner and the white powder is all over my shining brown cordroi jacket... what a sight!! what was I thinking!!
anyways I think I handled it pretty well and cleared off myself and the jacket in a very lady-like manner and am back to sleep.... I sleep well on planes and that saves me the boredom and the ear aches.

May 25, 2008: Farewell Bangalore!!

( Like many of my other posts, the date of posting of this post differs from the date when it was written, because I didn't have access to the Internet when I wanted to write... This post for e.g. was written on a romantic, windy evening on a terrace, with me perching on an iron ladder looking at the interplay of the layers of clouds and fleets of southbound birds. )

Last few days in this city of rains. Whatever people might say about Bangalore - I like this place.
Personally speaking, this is the place where I have spent few of the most important years of my life till now - years that have shaped me into the person I am. Years when I grew from a girl into a woman. My first years of independence - of struggle and success, of pain and joy, of wins and losses.
From the protective shields of home, these (years) were my first real tryst with life. I have learnt a lot. I have lived a lot. And I am happy to leave this place on a smiling note and with dreams in my eyes. There was a time (last year March) when I really wanted to run off from this city - but that was not to be - because Bangalore still had some more 'life' in store for me. So, I leave this city now - not out of frustration, but by choice - and yards of memories.
Otherwise too, I think this city is blessed with a very nice (& pampering ) climate (I am gonna be baked in Delhi!!) and beautiful flora & fauna though both are changing now. The natural vegetation is very rich - ferns, palms, varied species of flowers, flowering trees thrive with such an ease in this soil and climate. Its comparatively so much easier to have a 'garden of dreams' in this city than say Delhi where your plants are baked and frozen every twelve months. (It has always been one of my wishes to have a nice garden at home).
Talking of the aerial entities, though I miss the home sparrows, but cranes, eagles and other species of birds more than make up of their absence. And of course, clouds & rains, drizzles and downpours..... This city can definitely boast of one of the best climates in the world (w.r.t other 'cities').
Like every other city, it has its own share of woes. In fact sometimes I think its infrastructure and civilization is gonna collapse, though I obviously pray for the better.
My view of Bangalore is of a well-endowed princess who has unfortunately landed into callous hands.
I am gonna miss this city & all the memories associated with it.

PS: I am leaving a very important 'thing' here - which is mine but still not mine. So, dear Ms Bangalore take care of my stuff till I can claim it for ever.

Mar 03, 2008: Dreaming on...

Dreamer... that I am supposed to be (people say) because I am a Piscean.
Dreamer… that I have always been too afraid to be - for the fear of dreams getting shattered
Dreamer… that I am letting out (or shall I say 'trying to let out') from within - because - WHAT THE HECK -dreams shatter even when you thought you had none!

So, I dream of a beautiful home and a loving husband (My A** - Ha! I bet you are reading that wrong --> no 'S's there), not in that order though.
…and I plan of a fitness area & some potted plants & few exploring creepers & a well-done bathroom…
& an arty living area with a designer (read 'mine') interior & a modular kitchen with us (me in spaghetti top and 'you' in boxer shorts ;-)) cooking.
& our Sunday brunch & long drives on a ribbon road in a swanky 'lambi' gaadi…
& satin bedcovers & scented pillows & dim-yellow light & 'you'….

PS: not listed in the order of priority :-)

March 03, 2008: ...would suffice.

Read a very nice quote sometime back:
"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, 'thank you,' that would suffice."
So, Thank you God. Thank you Krishna :)
--> for giving me all this
--> for not giving me certain things that I thought I needed most
--> Thank God for NOT giving me that, else I wouldn’t have got this
--> I shall thank you more my Lord… I pray for strength, I pray for courage & righteousness to stand up for the thoughts/ ideals which I talk/ write so eloquently about.
Thank you God. For everything.

Yeh lo!! ... Ab toh Aamir Khan bhi blog karta hai!

Remember the Mountain Dew ad "... cheetah bhi peeta hai".... My reaction was just like that.... Lets cut it short - Check this out... http://www.aamirkhan.com/blog.htm

Very nice blog! No wonder people love him so much.... He is "Honesty impersonated".

Lost and found

A short quick sequence of my mobile getting lost and found (within 15 mins) made me realise that I am indeed very lucky....

Now, how is that significant???
Most of us would agree that given all due respect to our 'karmas', few amongst us are sheer 'lucky'... I thought I was of the 'average luck' sorts, but this incident made me think that I might actually be of the 'more luckier sorts'...

Now, how does that change things for me??
Nothing much; I will still have to strive for my goals with equal efforts; What it might change is my 'attitude' towards my luck... Positive thinking (a.k.a. The secret) you see! :D :D ...

PS: I am generally an optimist but at times I tend to inhibit my optimism (for the sake of following the 'lower expectations, greater joy' mantra)... So, at times, I am neither an optimist nor a pessimist.

walking again

This time in Mumbai... on Marine's drive...

Another disppointment in hand, not that it was something I was craving for, but it was definitely something with which I could have started afresh on a good note. But who the hell told me that life is going to be easy!!

So, anyways, I had heard (&seen) so much of this place already that kind of knew what to expect. But still it was a bit surprising to find so many couples sitting under the scorching afternoon sun and still managing to look so refreshingly happy... such is love! I prayed in silence for their smiles and joys to continue forever. Those, whose love has strength and truthfulness, do conquer against all the odds of this class-caste-race-ridden-world.

I started walking again in my trademark care-a-damn-about-the-world style. Discovering that I have started enjoying the unknown; and again a strange feeling of how comfortable I have become with my loneliness.

As expected, Indian cities are not meant for loner girls; there are always glares and uninvited smiles, but then I have formed thick immunity to all that... so I sat down on the pavement after a tiring half an hour walk; thought would do some introspection but mind simply refusing to collaborate, and finally heart taking over the reigns of my thought. Mumbai...

Sun was mean enough, not letting me sit down for longer duration at one point (and it was irritating that this super-long pavement is so damn shaved off of trees) so I walked and walked and walked.... sitting down at random intervals when the soles of my sleek sandals started to hurt....

It might be a city of dreams and inspiration for a lot of people, but wish I would never have to live here... this city has taken a lot from me even though I have not lived here more than two days in total... I really wish I would never have to live here...but again some strange feeling tells me that I might be 'forced' to do that at some stage of my life. [Thats another peculiar thing - whenever I have really 'hated' to do something, my dear God has forced me through it... its a kind of test for me]