Wednesday, April 22, 2009

For better or for worse?

Singlehood. Independence. Fun. Friends. Love. Romance. High. Marriage. Couple. Family. Responsibilities. Compromises. Changes. Adjustments. Busy. Trapped. Lost. Different.

Is marriage a progression from a fun-filled life to a sad one? If the answer is a definite yes, why get married? Perhaps girls marry for stability and security; and guys?? Why should they get married. In fact why should even girls get married!! Why!! So many of my friends and cousins have got married recently. Each says life is 'different' after marriage (and they say it with a sad 'gone are those days' kind of tone)... My question is if marriage worsens one's life... why get married? I am about to get get married (Thank you Lord!) in a couple of months and when I see all these married people around me trapped under the burden of the societal pressures and norms... I get a little scared and ask myself time and again: "Are all marriages like this? Should I expect the same from my marriage too?".... All rational decisions are made towards betterment of one's current state; I am marrying by choice.... I am looking forward to my married life... no doubt there will be difficulties and changes but overall I hope our (me n ofcourse my A) marriage makes us happier. If it does not, probably we would have done some definite damage to our lives by getting married.


Anant said...

the best thing about marriage is that you finally get to have an extra martial relationship!! cheero!

I me myself said...

hehe, this post is for normal couples... I am looking forward to my marriage so that I can go to the night shows and discs and wear short skirts :D

Anant said...

yeah sure...after a year with a lill kid in tow, a disc would be one hell of an experience!!bol anyways!

I me myself said...

Well, one should never say 'never' but still... a kid in an year?? I don't think couples do it any more....! :D

PS: I have noticed that people from southern part of India have a greater urgency (or capability?? ;-)) for having a kid within an year than others.... This is just an observation. Readers, please do not take offence I have some very good friends who are South Indians.... and interestingly they agree to this observation.

Santanu said...

From my view, marriage is definitely not a progression from a fun-filled life to a sad one. In fact, life can be much more intriguing, exciting, interesting, eventful and full of joy in a marital relationship if you want it to be. All on you and your partner. Even if one partner strives to make the marital relationship full of fun with all the right moves, things will work. Question is how you define a "successful marriage". I firmly believe that no marriage can be ideally termed as successful since both the partners won't or can satisfy each other’s desires 100%. Many people write that if your spouse is your best friend, then the relationship is successful. I do not agree with that. I don't think your spouse can be your best friend or vice versa ever because spouses are never open with each other. Even if it is there, it’s very rare and in many cases it’s an adjustment and one of the partners will be compromising more than the other, that’s it and may not last for long. When you are friends, you do not hesitate to speak your heart out because you don't have any stakes involved with respect to the consequences. But in the case of marriage, society certainly is one of the stakeholders. Other than the social issues, all the other so called “problems” can be majorly sorted out without any troubles – that’s what I feel…

For the compromises, adjustments, changes etc., these will all be part of any relationship. Now, when two people start sharing the same roof, there will be several things about each other which people will come to know for the first time. I believe in change most of the times (that’s what GE taught me that Change Has to be Constant) so, if I think slightly differently, I feel that a little bit of change (wherever its possible to change) on the part of both the persons might be actually exciting and bring happiness. Can’t I learn a new hobby or interest of my spouse just for the heck of it? Just for a joke (it’s a reality in many cases!), if my partner has a habit of farting or snoring, how would I have come to know of it before marriage.. if I have problems with this, then what will I do after marriage.. will I run away :)

A relationship can be really successful with full of happiness if the “partners in crime” want it to be like that. I believe that every relationship whether its a good friendship, marital relationship or a professional association depends on both the persons concerned (just like we say in hindi as "ek haath se taali nahin bajti"). The success of a relationship according to me depends on the camaraderie, the trust and the understanding which the concerned people share between them. It probably depends on how often people talk to each other, try to understand each other's likes/dislikes/issues and sort out with an open mind. Silence is the worst enemy in any form of relationship.

I do not know whether you will agree with me on this. Don’t you think today’s marriages are actually relationships of convenience and not the type of relationships where you love, care, share, admire, appreciate, respect, encourage, seek/give advise and support your spouse for what he/she is and what he/she does. The moment two people do this loving, caring and encouraging business, I feel any relationship whether its friendship, marriage or any association, they will be highly successful and people involved will be very happy. I believe in what is called as “Everything is possible in love and war”. Everything depends on the attitude of people. Today, just to show that they are independent and that they can do everything on their own for themselves, people have this attitude to not listen to others and the day this attitude is taken care of, I think everything will work smooth.

Phatte thoda jyaada ho gaya hai, but then these are some things which I believe in and will for sure try to practice if at all my turn comes :).