Wednesday, December 24, 2008

nice and positive

There is a sprout of happiness, peeping out to see if the moment is opportune enough to giggle...
and because its not giggling and jumping, I can't call it 'joy'... it seems like 'relief', but probably much more than 'just relief'... its a 'hope for joy', or may be it IS 'joy', but 'silent joy'.... or may be this is a 'smile', waiting to curve outwards...

I can't name it. But its nice and positive.

Friday, November 14, 2008


Ever stood inside a circle looking for an end? That is what I am feeling right now... Desperately looking for an end (or a 'start' as you may say)... I know I need to solve this somehow but not sure how and from where?

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Politics, terrorism and religious profiling

I often get into this mode... The politics of this country troubles me. It just leaves me gasping for breath…

There are serial bomb blasts in the National Capital. The police desperately searches for the inflictors, and for a change, manages to track them pretty soon (instead of the case going on for years together). One brave office dies fighting. Instead of praising the police department for its swift action, our politicians and media start another debate altogether ‘fake encounter’, 'religious profiling'.... Excuse me?

As a country we have been facing terrorism for such a long time that we are close to developing an immunity to it - no, I don't think it shows our 'indomitable' will or anything like that... it just shows are 'spineless tolerance'. Let us stop blaming our neighbors for a while and first look at solutions which are within our control… things we can tackle within our own boundaries.

India is probably the only nation in this world where the politician of a ruling party would talk of providing support to an 'alleged' terrorist. Before some of the 'human rights/ minority commission' people get aggravated with my statements, let me clear few things: I am not saying that there isn’t a possibility of some of these people being innocent.
But with every conviction, say for a murder or a robbery, there is always this possibility; do the likes of Amar Singh speak for each and every one of them? Does Mr. Amar Singh stand up for each and every possibly innocent convict?
I do not doubt that there are fake encounters in our country (or probably every country); would Mr. Amar Singh ask for an enquiry into each and every one of them?? More importantly, an enquiry is held when you have doubts on certain aspects of a situation? What reasonable doubts/ indications do you have on the justifiability of this encounter? None. Yes, absolutely none. The general public gasps in wonder of how an issue of fake encounter is created out of nowhere…
There is a democratically elected government and a fairly functional judiciary which can take care of these things.

Now, let’s come to another aspect of this discussion, ‘religious profiling’.
First things first, generalizations are wrong. There are fanatics in each and every community and the entire community should not be punished for the crime of few. Agreed.

Have you ever gone through security-checks at the international airports? Middle-east and South Asians are more rigorously frisked than say a Korean or Japanese. They don’t harm us, all they do is frisk us more carefully; very frankly, I don’t mind it. I just find it understandable. Reason: there have been more instances of terrorists from these parts of the world. And very frankly, had I been in their place I would probably do the same thing – it’s the basic human instinct I would say. Similarly, if the police department finds more terrorist links to Azamgarh or Jamia Nagar, they would do more rigorous exercises there – Isn’t that what any rational person would do? We should not misjudge this as ‘religious’ profiling. In fact I would dare to say that people of such places are probably taking the defensive approach; they can’t deny the presence of such links. (Again, I am not saying that x% of the population in a particular area has links with terrorist organizations. What I am saying is that probably y% of the mastermind network of each blast traces its origin back to few specific areas.) People of such areas should actually welcome the investigators and help them clean-up the areas.

All this is very fragile, I agree. But we need to get rigid in at least some sense. All of us need to be careful about whom we are renting our house to, whom we are selling that mobile chip to – These are the ways security agencies in other parts of the world crack down on the militant organizations. These groups can not be ‘eliminated’; they need to be ‘strangled’ for their financial/ emotional/ logistical supplies.

Would you deny that a big part of the militant operation depends on the financial ammunition – Are we doing enough to track the finances of the extremist bodies to ensure that financial aid is dried out to people who are bombing our cities in the name of religion. Oh please! Now don’t give me the minority rights theme again!! It just makes me sick. It’s no new fact that many of the madarsas are actually providing financial/ emotional/ logistical support to the extremist group. Let’s bring them under the financial jurisdiction; if they are not committing any crime they shouldn’t be afraid. Yes, I hear you saying that I am putting onus on them to prove themselves ‘not guilty’. I beg to differ, bringing under supervision doesn’t imply ‘guilty’; from my perspective escaping supervision would be an indication to ‘guilt’. (I would add that this stretches to all religious groups, we all know how religious grants and educational trusts are a mode of making black money white).

One more thing that shocks me is the ‘marginalization’ argument. Many of the thieves would be from economically ‘marginalized’ background, would that justify their actions? Many of the rapists would have gone through some form of sexual or emotional trauma; would you say we should be considerate towards them? Reformation of a society needs to go side by side, but it should in no way divert our attention from eliminating the culprits first. And that’s what has been happening. Indian media had been doing just that, instead of focusing on how terrorist network is getting engrained in our towns and cities, the ‘intellectuals’ are focusing on social reforms. I would say sure Mr./ Ms. Intellectuals, when somebody is putting a gun to your daughter’s head then try reforming him instead of nabbing him then and there… “Oh poor guy! He is agitated because of blah blah blah, let’s redress it”

We are sitting on heaps of RDX and ammonium nitrate; we can not be and should not act soft on terror. WE JUST CAN NOT.

The politics of this country disgusts me.... I do not want to write any more...

Sunday, October 5, 2008

A heartfelt obituary

Life is short... shorter than we think it is...
We live as though we have 50 years, forgetting the fact that we might not have another day to live... This post is in remembrance of my friend Divesh.

Divesh. One of the first few people whom I got to know at my institute.
Divesh, n* and me organized the first dance parties at the insti... they were something of a small cultural revolution at that time... (though things have changed now)

Divesh was not just any other person. He was special in his very own ways... he personified few things. Few great things. For me he stood for Freedom. If you ask me to describe him in two words, I would say: He was a free being.

Crazy and passionate about whatever he did and did not do. Clear cut ideals. Respect for individuality, 'living life to the fullest' in the truest sense of the phrase. Joyous, happy (I hardly ever saw him sulking). Lot of enthusiasm. An intelligent passionate researcher (He was a about to finish his PhD in few months time), though absolutely opposite of a 'typical' research person... a good DJ (disc jockey), movie enthusiast, a travel freak... loved his food, drinks and ... Divesh was fun, cool, a big flirt, passionate, enthu, humorous... and above all 'free'. He had a tremendous zest for life...

There are people who might be technically very close to you, say a relative or somebody; but there are few other like Divesh whom you would remember for things they stood for and not just for their importance in your life. There are few people who really inspire me and he was one of them.

Divesh , as his profile on orkut said, "Div..goin Goa! Sun & Sand! Rest the same !"... he loved Goa, he would have gone there n number of times over the past 3-4 years... Goa is where he breathed his last
"hometown: Coorg + Pathanamthitta + Delhi + Bangalore"
"about me: If there's magic in boxing, it's the magic of fighting battles beyond endurance, beyond cracked ribs, ruptured kidneys and detached retinas. It's th'e magic of risking everything for a dream that nobody sees but you. -Eddie Scrap-Iron Dupris"

I would miss you dear friend. (and I know numerous of other people, who have known you, would be feeling the same...)... this is to you my friend, May your soul rest in peace.
This post will remind me about the how important it is to 'live each day'.

Monday, August 25, 2008

What happened to my blogging!?

Don't know... There are times when its difficult to paraphrase our emotions in words other than the already spoken and the unspoken.
Too much happening around. A new turmoil everyday; A lot of negative energy; Each hour is a test with myself as well as with the world.
Hopefully, it will all end up well, till then lets hope for the end.

Monday, June 16, 2008

New job

Hello readers
this would be a short one... i have joined my new job and though i would not get into the details of what it is, I would like to mention that I am looking forward to my experience here... this is gonna be very different from what i have been doing over the past two years - not in terms of my 'field' of work but more in terms of my 'day-to-day' function.
no doubt, i have been feeling at least a bit nostalgic about my previous job, I am looking forward to this one. I would like to accept that I am a bit nervous, a little excited and quite anxious regarding this step of mine.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

June 08, 2008: On a one way ticket

(and again like few of the other posts, this was actually written aboard a flight from Delhi to Bangalore)

Travelling on a one way ticket is strange and full of memories. The sadness of leaving something behind and the enthusiasm of beginning on a new ground. Its like those schooldays when you were promoted to the next class - for better or for worst!! ;-)
I had been so busy with wrapping up things and packing stuff that didn't realise how May 15 got transformed into June 8. I didn't really feel it till sat (June 7) morning when I told him that... he is gonna miss me.... probably that was actually the realization of the opposite. And as I walked back from the checking counter to see him through the glass wall. I realized. But cheer up girl, these are going to be testing months but just 'transitional'!

---- after say 15 minutes ---

I do not particularly like eating while flying but the KF lunch was tempting and in the end quite satisfying. and as I move forward to make my tea... the milk powder sachet gets torn off in the most embarassing manner and the white powder is all over my shining brown cordroi jacket... what a sight!! what was I thinking!!
anyways I think I handled it pretty well and cleared off myself and the jacket in a very lady-like manner and am back to sleep.... I sleep well on planes and that saves me the boredom and the ear aches.

May 25, 2008: Farewell Bangalore!!

( Like many of my other posts, the date of posting of this post differs from the date when it was written, because I didn't have access to the Internet when I wanted to write... This post for e.g. was written on a romantic, windy evening on a terrace, with me perching on an iron ladder looking at the interplay of the layers of clouds and fleets of southbound birds. )

Last few days in this city of rains. Whatever people might say about Bangalore - I like this place.
Personally speaking, this is the place where I have spent few of the most important years of my life till now - years that have shaped me into the person I am. Years when I grew from a girl into a woman. My first years of independence - of struggle and success, of pain and joy, of wins and losses.
From the protective shields of home, these (years) were my first real tryst with life. I have learnt a lot. I have lived a lot. And I am happy to leave this place on a smiling note and with dreams in my eyes. There was a time (last year March) when I really wanted to run off from this city - but that was not to be - because Bangalore still had some more 'life' in store for me. So, I leave this city now - not out of frustration, but by choice - and yards of memories.
Otherwise too, I think this city is blessed with a very nice (& pampering ) climate (I am gonna be baked in Delhi!!) and beautiful flora & fauna though both are changing now. The natural vegetation is very rich - ferns, palms, varied species of flowers, flowering trees thrive with such an ease in this soil and climate. Its comparatively so much easier to have a 'garden of dreams' in this city than say Delhi where your plants are baked and frozen every twelve months. (It has always been one of my wishes to have a nice garden at home).
Talking of the aerial entities, though I miss the home sparrows, but cranes, eagles and other species of birds more than make up of their absence. And of course, clouds & rains, drizzles and downpours..... This city can definitely boast of one of the best climates in the world (w.r.t other 'cities').
Like every other city, it has its own share of woes. In fact sometimes I think its infrastructure and civilization is gonna collapse, though I obviously pray for the better.
My view of Bangalore is of a well-endowed princess who has unfortunately landed into callous hands.
I am gonna miss this city & all the memories associated with it.

PS: I am leaving a very important 'thing' here - which is mine but still not mine. So, dear Ms Bangalore take care of my stuff till I can claim it for ever.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Mar 03, 2008: Dreaming on...

Dreamer... that I am supposed to be (people say) because I am a Piscean.
Dreamer… that I have always been too afraid to be - for the fear of dreams getting shattered
Dreamer… that I am letting out (or shall I say 'trying to let out') from within - because - WHAT THE HECK -dreams shatter even when you thought you had none!

So, I dream of a beautiful home and a loving husband (My A** - Ha! I bet you are reading that wrong --> no 'S's there), not in that order though.
…and I plan of a fitness area & some potted plants & few exploring creepers & a well-done bathroom…
& an arty living area with a designer (read 'mine') interior & a modular kitchen with us (me in spaghetti top and 'you' in boxer shorts ;-)) cooking.
& our Sunday brunch & long drives on a ribbon road in a swanky 'lambi' gaadi…
& satin bedcovers & scented pillows & dim-yellow light & 'you'….

PS: not listed in the order of priority :-)

March 03, 2008: ...would suffice.

Read a very nice quote sometime back:
"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, 'thank you,' that would suffice."
So, Thank you God. Thank you Krishna :)
--> for giving me all this
--> for not giving me certain things that I thought I needed most
--> Thank God for NOT giving me that, else I wouldn’t have got this
--> I shall thank you more my Lord… I pray for strength, I pray for courage & righteousness to stand up for the thoughts/ ideals which I talk/ write so eloquently about.
Thank you God. For everything.

Looongg time!!

Even I knew that it had been a long time since I posted but just realized that it has been a reallllyyyy looooong time (not jut long ;-))

Anyways, I am posting things which I wrote sometime back while I was on a flight from Bangalore to Delhi. I initially wrote them with the intention of posting it (I did not have access to internet/ computer that time), however later back-tracked. After lot of deliberation, I am posting it here. So, read on to the next posts...

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Yeh lo!! ... Ab toh Aamir Khan bhi blog karta hai!

Remember the Mountain Dew ad "... cheetah bhi peeta hai".... My reaction was just like that.... Lets cut it short - Check this out...

Very nice blog! No wonder people love him so much.... He is "Honesty impersonated".

Monday, March 24, 2008

Lost and found

A short quick sequence of my mobile getting lost and found (within 15 mins) made me realise that I am indeed very lucky....

Now, how is that significant???
Most of us would agree that given all due respect to our 'karmas', few amongst us are sheer 'lucky'... I thought I was of the 'average luck' sorts, but this incident made me think that I might actually be of the 'more luckier sorts'...

Now, how does that change things for me??
Nothing much; I will still have to strive for my goals with equal efforts; What it might change is my 'attitude' towards my luck... Positive thinking (a.k.a. The secret) you see! :D :D ...

PS: I am generally an optimist but at times I tend to inhibit my optimism (for the sake of following the 'lower expectations, greater joy' mantra)... So, at times, I am neither an optimist nor a pessimist.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

'friendly' banter

(on a chat window)

ME: Shall we please go for lunch?
HE: in 10 mins?
ME: I am hungry
HE: eat my head :-) (smile)
ME: if ever i choose to be non-vegetarian
ME: ur head would be the last thing i eat
ME: cause its bhoosa inside skull
HE: :( (sad and wailing)
ME: so if i am veg i wont eat it
ME: bcoz
ME: the 'skull' is bone
ME: and bone is non-veg
ME: and if m non-veg
ME: i wont eat it still bcoz
ME: its veg in the garb of nonveg
HE: :O (surprised)
HE: (furious)
ME: (smirk)

Once more on 'Rabbi'

Please refer to the following link (towards the end) for introduction

I have been listening to his songs for over two years now and they are quite a regular feature on my playlists.... I have always believed that the best test for 'good music' (as for numerous other things) is the 'test of time'. If you feel like listening/ revisiting a song after every now and then, over a period of few years - and still it sounds interesting and thought provoking - that would be its greatest testimony.
For Rabbi-lovers like me (Yes, I am turning into an ardent fan of his music), he is sure to be counted amongst the greats on the Indian music scene - and mind you, the instrumentals of his songs are rather 'popular' (in the sense that its not like listening to 'ghazals' which would appeal to only a particular kind of taste), but still they are nice, classy, rythmic and very tastefully done - but I think the key difference lies in the lyrics of his songs and themes he explores. Unfortunately, most of them are in punjabi so people who can't understand punjabi at all might just miss the soul of his music...

And I recently realised that his is definitely not a small fan club - in fact his music is acquiring a cult status all over (see this )

And just as his thousand of other fans, I too am eagerly looking forward to his next album. Fingers crossed!

Monday, February 18, 2008

Karte rahe hum intezaar,
par ho naa paya deedar-e-yaar
intezaar karne ki toh uff...
ab aadat si ho gayi hai

Author: A [:p]

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Who is the beast?

The latest Census figures show that tiger population in India (home to approx 40% tigers of the world) has halved over the past five years - The wild cats count stands at 1,411 now, down from 3,642 in the last major survey in 2002. [However, certain section of press doubt that 2002 numbers were largely rigged].

At the beginning of the century there were close to 40,000 tigers in India. The numbers fell to 1,827 in 1972; however after the Project Tiger began in 1972, the numbers rose to a happy 3,507 in 1997. However, the happiness was not to last for long.... Since then, inspite of crores of rupees spent in the name of tiger preservation, the numbers have dwindled by 60% to a meagre 1411.

Terror has been spread wide across the states… and is shocking to the say the least…
…And the famous Sariska has no tigers left!!

We all know the reasons/ processes which are responsible for drawing these beautiful cats so close to extinction; so I won't elaborate on that.

The thought that comes to my mind is... Apart from humans, there is no other species in animal kingdom who kills for leisure/ thrills/ frills… So, who is the beast amongst us all?

Friday, February 8, 2008


Both of us walking

"You are so unfortunate... you can't read my blogs..."

"Yeah... that is for few privileged people"


"You can read me though..."

two pairs of eyes glint.

PS: And in a typical 'A' fashion, I can't resist praising myself for that awesome one-liner :D

PS: Don't 'just' go by the posts, 'happiness' is yet to arrive.
"There's Many a Slip Twixt the Cup and the Lip"

Does anybody else feels like this….?

Aah.. the music plays in my mind… my feet can feel the song and the rhythm…. they are in invisible action…

".... Aasmaan ko bhi yeh haseen raaz hai pasand… uljhi.. Uljhi saanson ki aawaz hai pasand… Moti luta rahi hai saawan ki badaliyaaan…"

I so badly want to dance… (its 9 in the morning and I reached office at 7 today!)
My feet are drawing circles on the carpeted floor while I am stuck in the office chair
… and my gaze is towards the ceiling as though I am staring into the open skies…
… I can feel the delicate tension in my body when I try to get up from my chair, like I am about to take flight..
… and I am walking in the corridor as if I am entering onto a stage
... and, worst of all, I touch the water dispenser as if I am touching my partner…

Is it the song or is it one of my periodic dancing urge or is it 'you'? I think it’s the second sparked by the first and compounded by the third….

PS: Old readers, remember my post about a dancing room in office? (
Funnily enough, this kind of urge is like a nature's call for me. I shall be restless till I dance…

Thursday, January 31, 2008

How to say 'I am happy'? Just say it!

Why is that people blog less when they are happy? Because they have better things to do [:p]..Oh, dear fellow bloggers, please don’t be offended, I am just kidding…

I think it is because its easier to express sorrow/ thoughts in words, joy/ happiness are much more difficult to portray... In case you are wondering why am I opening up a previous thread of thought, I shall announce that I am happy these days; There are things still holding me back but I am happy….

And I wanted to write a blog expressing my 'happiness' for quite some time now but failed; so I thought I shall put it discretely 'I am happy' :)

Friday, January 11, 2008

One simple question

Dear my ego/alter ego/ soul/ heart/

One simple question has answers to almost all the problems of the world (at least at a personal level.)

"What do you want?"

So, could you please be a little considerate and answer that one.... Please..


I would do whatever is in my capability to fulfill your wish, but could you please tell me what do you wish for...






COULD YOU PLEASE tell me what the f***ng hell do you want in life!!!!


Weakness - confront it.

They don’t say it doesn't mean they don't feel it A…. Every man/woman is allowed to be selfish but aren’t you being too selfish?

And secondly, losing your ground on the things that you yourself decided… Isn't that being 'weak' is all about?

Remember, 'Its not what you are inside but what you do that defines you'…

Thursday, January 10, 2008


I thought I had forgotten to feel
but was it the warmth of your hands last night

I thought I had forgotten to see
but was it the glint in your eyes which met mine

And I thought I was happy alone
but were it you around me who set my thoughts alight

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

lets get happy

You know what, I can bloody well write 1000 times more interesting (& happier) blogs than I currently do. I realized this after reading another blog site (the best blog that I have read till date) - I mean I can throw some really neat one-liners at times [:)] but what I do instead is keep on sogging the page with my emotional melodramas. shucks A...

Take charge darling- So, what if you are completely hating your job to the point where your fat bonus is not compensationg for it; and you are 25 (and single again); and not sure what exactly do you want from life etc. - you can still be happy and 'in control'!


Dil na-umeed toh nahi, naakaam hi toh hai
lambi hai gham ki shaam, magar shaam hi toh hai

Saw Shawshank's redemption (I know I was late in doing this, but it has been on my waitlist since long). A very nice movie. The moral I would take from the movie is 'one should never let the flame of hope extinguish'. Things would be difficult, life is not supposed to be easy anyways but one should try not to let the 'inner core' be affected by the external vagaries of life. No doubt, we will learn, change and adapt but something in us should still remain the same - Not sure what this 'something' is though - Might be 'hope' - hope for 'joy', 'happiness', 'freedom', whatever one really wishes for....

Easy to preach but what about i me myself??