Friday, December 28, 2007

oh, thats the average engineer rate! My son is an MBA

Dowry. To those who think that its an 'old-world' custom, think again. It is in fact a very much prevalent 'custom' and in fact is getting even more worse in modern cities than ever before.

The richer you are, the greedier you become… And there are 'eligible' bachelors (or so they call themselves!), talking about the 'logic' in this senseless system. There are guys with distinguished educational backgrounds (reputed schools, IITs, best B-schools and so on), earnings several lakhs and still expecting 'dowry' in marriage. In fact, their educational qualifications help them push their 'rates' by another 35-50 lakh…. But mind you, no concessions for being an equally qualified working women, that is taken for granted.

Agreed, that in the olden days weddings were like treated like a trade agreement. So, there were kings marrying five times to improve relations with five different neighboring chiefs. Or, in the lower classes it was about sustenance of a grand family. But that’s no longer the case… modern marriages are supposed to be partnerships. Then why should this concept of money changing hands arise!! Is it like parents 'selling-off' their sons?? Or the sons selling themselves off?? Huh...

On a broader side of it, the practice of dowry (& the rocketing dowry rates) is one of the main reasons why a girl child is considered a burden even in economically well-off families. Stories of female infanticides are well-known; and in the affluent classes, well-accepted. As the modern Indian cities move toward nuclear families, guys don't even prefer to stay with their parents; so a girl child can actually support her parents as well as a boy can. In fact, on an average, girls are definitely much more compassionate and loving towards their parents than guys, then why this differentiation?

All of these issues find their roots in 'gender inequality'. I am not a feminist but I am an 'equalist'. I wish our education system could inculcate such basic righteous values in our children…

Wednesday, December 26, 2007


Have you ever thought about tomorrow? I mean have you ever thought on the lines of 'What if I am not going to live till tomorrow'? How would you live your life….

That thought aside, have you ever thought about 'What do I really really want?'… I have tried asking this to myself several times but I am not getting a definite answer… and I don't like this at all [:(]

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Thursday, December 6, 2007

My latest Love

I loved the movie Jab we met… (sorry for the misleading subject ;-))... but REALLY I just loved it…every thing is superb about the movie - direction, songs, characters, acting, humour, timing …. And above all it’s a feel-good movie without looking synthetic… I saw the movie first (yes, I have seen it several times already) when I was in London; with every passing week my love for the movie has grown several times... and By God, Shahid Kapoor is ummmm...

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

walking again

This time in Mumbai... on Marine's drive...

Another disppointment in hand, not that it was something I was craving for, but it was definitely something with which I could have started afresh on a good note. But who the hell told me that life is going to be easy!!

So, anyways, I had heard (&seen) so much of this place already that kind of knew what to expect. But still it was a bit surprising to find so many couples sitting under the scorching afternoon sun and still managing to look so refreshingly happy... such is love! I prayed in silence for their smiles and joys to continue forever. Those, whose love has strength and truthfulness, do conquer against all the odds of this class-caste-race-ridden-world.

I started walking again in my trademark care-a-damn-about-the-world style. Discovering that I have started enjoying the unknown; and again a strange feeling of how comfortable I have become with my loneliness.

As expected, Indian cities are not meant for loner girls; there are always glares and uninvited smiles, but then I have formed thick immunity to all that... so I sat down on the pavement after a tiring half an hour walk; thought would do some introspection but mind simply refusing to collaborate, and finally heart taking over the reigns of my thought. Mumbai...

Sun was mean enough, not letting me sit down for longer duration at one point (and it was irritating that this super-long pavement is so damn shaved off of trees) so I walked and walked and walked.... sitting down at random intervals when the soles of my sleek sandals started to hurt....

It might be a city of dreams and inspiration for a lot of people, but wish I would never have to live here... this city has taken a lot from me even though I have not lived here more than two days in total... I really wish I would never have to live here...but again some strange feeling tells me that I might be 'forced' to do that at some stage of my life. [Thats another peculiar thing - whenever I have really 'hated' to do something, my dear God has forced me through it... its a kind of test for me]

Thursday, November 8, 2007

and I walk alone.

It was slightly chillier today morning... Rain clouds wrapping themselves around the meek morning sun. I generally reach office by 6.45 AM; I don't really mind coming in so early as I am more of a morning person when it comes to work efficiency levels.

Walking in London is very different than walking in Indian cities; Its nice to walk here... no glares from roadside Romeos, no potholes which can trap your heels, cleaner here, no honking and... seeing so many different kinds of people. I agree it might just be the initial joy of things but I like it for now.

Furthermore, I don't like walking with other people; actually everybody is 'other' to me these days... (except for very very few people)... so I walk alone....

Monday, November 5, 2007

Hate Mondays

I hate Mondays; Abhor them... Mondays give me a sinking feeling about life... its like being forced to drink an awful cough syrup early in the morning...

And the latest discovery is that I hate Mondays irrespective of my location (whether I am in London or Bangalore); London is probably worse because I can't work according to my pace even though its a Monday!

I hate hate hate hate Mondays [:(]

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

My apartment in London

This was long due... was itching to blog but wasn't getting any time at all. Life is so hectic out here and also got so much to see/ do/ experience....

My apartment is nice. Its a fully furnished 1 bhk. Has an awesome bath tub (with rainbath and few other knickknacks ). Bed is large, cosy and comfortable. Its not walking distance from office so I have to take a tube, but not too bad... I like travelling by local transport; I have always felt that its the best way to 'know the city'. Anyways, we were discussing about my apartment. Kitchen is beautiful too; very nicely designed, sleek and sexy. One of the typical NY/ Lndn kitchens where you won't know which-door-is-which. Have a TV but have to survive on FTA (free to air) channels - doesn't matter as I don't really crave for TV. Have a music system too but not sure how to operate it; actually never bothered because I am carrying my laptop this time. For the uninformed, my laptop is my music repository. Also there are some fake orchid flowerpots which I find very intriguing for some strange reason.

Have an array of drawers (very useful mind you), cupboards, comfortable sofa chairs, centre table, dining table, chairs etc.… Another interesting thing is that there is some party/ get together place directly opposite to my window (my room is on the first floor); every night there are groups people playing darts there! There is a 'uptown-looking' bar below my apartment building i.e. on the ground floor.

I think that more or less defines my living place here… More about my trip later!

PS: Not able to t/f pics yet [:(], will post later

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

No way!

"No, don't say it... don't .... I can see it, I can feel it, things that you want to imply... but please do not. Not again. Not again. Not again.... Same damn game with different players... No, I won't fall for it this time. I am happy alone... and even if I am not 'happy', I am less vulnerable alone. Seen enough, heard enough, had enough."

Monday, October 22, 2007

one month of change....

I will be working from London this whole month. I don't mind travelling to newer places, but sometimes I feel too lonely out here. Nights get specially gloomy... I am saying all this from my last experience. This trip has just begun and I better get my mindset right... Lets be optimistic A....

On the good side of things, its lovely to see so many different kinds of people. Its nice to see places you have never seen before... work-wise too exposure is great; makes me feel I am wasting my time in India. I think its time for a change when I go back... People say that all jobs are monotonous but I won't accept that for myself - at least I can try...

That reminds me of another thing that I have been thinking about for a while:
"It's a funny thing about life. If you refuse to accept anything but the best, very often you get it." -- Somerset Maugham

I have always accepted what life has given me. This time around I am trying to ask a bit more from life. Mediocre actions lead to mediocre results... I am not going to accept mediocrity in myself or my choices...

This is going to be the goal of my trip.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Regret is good....

"Regret you must, sweat you must.
for the light of tomorrow comes from the learnings and not the failures of yesterday... "
Author - I me myself:-)

Its easier to forgive yourself and blame others for the happenings of your life.

But the truth is I am the one who is responsible for what happens in my life - good or bad - that will be the result of my own decisions. No doubt, all of us are affected by other players in 'our universe' but even then the primary responsibility lies with us and us only.

Monday, October 15, 2007

In the name of love

In the darkness of night, I scream alone
Tears, pain, agonies unknown

Past that has past, but not yet gone
I hide it in my heart, my soul forlorn

Something died in me, the world will never know
The twinkle of my eyes died on the lines of your brow

Your promises, your love, your decisions wise
Silence of the room and my intermittent cries

"Stay", I sobbed, cried and wept
Your few words and my world was swept

Yes, I died then and there, my blood dripped from your glove
Oh your weak affections!.. killed me in the name of love..

Friday, October 5, 2007

Dil dosti etc

Saw 'Dil Dosti etc' yesterday. For those who are still wondering 'what-the-hell-is-that', its a movie starring Shreyas Talpade and Imaad Shah (son of the great Naseeruddin Shah).

The movie is 'fine-to-good', it just falls short of being 'really good' - Why- I don't know. The performances were good and the 'genre' was communicated well.

Its a movie about growing up (college years) and I would say that it gets quite close to reality... The good part of the movie is that it does not go into justifying the events; like all 'good' movies, it leaves that to the audience. It portrays its characters well.... leaves you with certain questions to ponder over.... If you have already crossed that age (like me), you might be reminded of few moments/ friends/ situations/ questions... If you are still in that age, well then you should be a able to relate to it...

Music supports the movie and falls in aptly; i liked 'lamha yeh jayega kahan' and 'dum lagga'.... 'Lamha yeh' is a soft, slightly 'thinking' song while 'dum lagga' is more of a 20-somethings-guys-talk kind of song - I feel, somehow it adds to the movie.

Overall, I liked the movie; I like this genre of movies.

Friday, September 28, 2007

nice one...

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” - Anais Nin

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

...a dull day.

Feeling a bit restless today. Like some of those rare dull days during our school summer vacations, when you are not allowed to go out and you don't know what to do at home... when you feel like doing a lot of things but you can't decide where exactly to release your energy... when your eyes are alert but mind is lost....

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

meri nayi rachna :-)

These days I have been blogging a bit less (less and more are always relative though)... But my hindi blog is even more slower than this one... So, I thought I should post one of my recent compositions there....


This is just an observation. I am not generalizing at all to include the whole 'guys' universe; in fact its a very recent observation... specific to some of the groups around me these days

Its like this: Guys are like Lions. They have clear demarcation of 'their' territories (read 'girls'). So, if Ms. A is Mr. AA's girl; mind you, A need not be AA's girlfriend, it can be a one sided liking, or even just a one-sided 'time-pass interest'..... So, if A is AA's 'girl', its an unsaid rule that any other male member in the group (say Mr. BB)should not even be her 'friend' (leave alone 'liking' her!). What I mean by friend' here is that Mr. BB is not allowed to call up the girl w.o. any genuine purpose, can not invite the girl to a party/ outing, should not talk excessively to the girl (specially when AA is not around), should not initiate conversation with the girl... Basically, he should be nothing beyond 'being on talking terms'... all these are unsaid rules. And if BB breaks these unsaid rules, BB is betraying AA. AA will see this as a 'challenge', a 'betrayal'. Its irrelevant how deep is AA's interest in A, its about 'ethics'!! [:o]...

Woa! Not that I understand people very well and though I had heard about such things, witnessing it in full glory was very entertaining indeed!

Friday, September 14, 2007

work and blog

Hardly any blogging this week though I had so much of spare time... Why is that I always itch to blog when I have loads of work; and the itch is over once I have more time!! weird!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Monday, September 10, 2007

Neck wraps and all that jazz...

A nice weekend. Apart from my weekend dancing schedule, tried bowling for the first time - was fun. I think few more trips and I shall soon be hooked on to the game.

Salsa class was fun again. My instructor is very enthusiastic towards teaching and thats one of the reasons why I really look forward to the classes. He continues teaching long after the actual class is over, though only few really keen students (like me :-)) stay back for his 'extra sessions'. So, I learnt some more fundoo steps this time - something called a 'neck wrap' and few others 'unnamed' but amazing moves...

I have really started loving salsa. Its such a sensuous and beautiful dance (though some of the steps get embarassing at times, specially in the class!). But those small glitches apart, I thoroughly enjoy every minute of it. I wonder how much will I enjoy if I do it with full 'emotions' sometime (its can be such a passionate and seductive dance!) in my life.

That reminds me of one of my random thoughts. I would love my partner to be a good dancer or at least enjoy dancing. Else he won't be able to understand my passion for dancing. And also I will never be able to perform that dream salsa sequence ;-)

Friday, September 7, 2007

Ek Geet Hijar da

Ek Geet Hijar Da
Ajj asaan ve bolna / Today I shall speak
Ajj kise na tokna / Today I shan't be stopped
Lekh ve jindrhi da / The script of destiny
Ajj asaan ve bhogna / Today I shall live it

Na roveen meet moiyan te mere / Don't cry at my death my Friend
Na paavin vainh moiyan te / Don't sing mournful tunes
Tu gaaveen geet / Sing instead this song
Ek geet / This Song

Kal jo beet gaya / Yesterday, all that passed
Na beeteya O jo beet gaya / Hasn't passed but remains with me
Sool mere seene / A thorn in my heart
Vairi khob gaya / Driven by Foe

Keetey main sab chaare / I've used all options
Saarey upaa haare / All cures have failed
Ehda 'laaj bas ek geet / The only cure is this song
Ek geet hijar da / A song of longing

Ek geet hijar da / A song of longing
Ek geet sabar da / A song of restraint
Ek geet karam da / A song of kindness
Ek geet reham da / A song of mercy

Ek geet milan da / A song of union
Ek geet balan da / A song of burning
Ek geet gunaah da / A song of Sin
Ek geet panaah da / A song of pardon

Ek geet, Ek geet, Ek geet / A song, A song, A song

Hunh na kujh disda / Now I see nothing
Hunh na kujh sujhda / Now I can't grasp anything
Zehar naseebaan da / Since the poison of the fate
Ajj asaan jo peeta / Has been mine to drink

Sa'te taras kareen / Have mercy on me
Na lekha mera mangii / Don't ask for my liabilities
Ve tu sunii eh mera geet / Just listen this song of mine

Vekheen zara / Look here
Na hove kharaab / Don't let it go waste
Boohey tere, hanju mera / This teardrop of mine
Ho jaave tere dar te manzoor / Let it be accepted at your gate
Mere Huzoor / My Master

Eh geet hijar da / This song of longing
Eh geet sabar da / This song of restraint
Eh geet karam da / This song of kindness
Eh geet reham da / This song of mercy

Eh geet milan da / This song of union
Eh geet balan da / This song of burning
Eh geet gunaah da / This song of Sin
Eh geet panaah da / This song of pardon

Not sure how many of you know about Rabbi Shergill. You might be able to recall if I tell you that he was the singer of the famour 'Bulla ki jaana' song...

I first listened to his full album around one and half years back. Everytime I listen to his songs, they become more and more 'a part of me'. His style is sufi-rock with a touch of folk. The lyrics are beautiful and some of the thoughts and words used are quite uncommon. His music is really a class apart.

The full album 'Rabbi'(2005) is simply awesome.. Bulla ki jaana and tere bin have already been hits, but even the lesser known songs are superb.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

I me myself

One of my friends asked me to write a paragraph about myself. I tried to think. Thought hard but I don't know what to write. Seems like I have lost all awareness about myself. I wasn't like this….

Am I ugly or average? Am I intelligent or average or dumb? Am I happy or sad? Am I a 'good' girl or 'bad'?

Am I cheerful or sad? Am I outgoing or reserved?

Am I becoming very 'closed'/ secretive these days or am I looking for empathy?

Do I really get happy at times, or is it just me trying to encourage myself towards more positive thinking?
And when I feel low these days, I wonder if I am really sad or am I trying to behave sad… The difference between reality and thoughts is becoming blurred by the day…

…I used to be a narcisist. Have I actually started hating myself or is it just a perception again?

Who am I? What do I really want? Where is my life going?

Am I lost? Or have I lost myself?

One thing is for sure, this is not the way I want to be…. I need to find answers for all these questions for… myself.

Friday, August 31, 2007

My new hobby - Sketching (drawing)

I know I am far from good at it but Sketching can safely be added to my list of hobbies now... Though its not really 'new' in the sense that I have been drawing since my junior days... at the back of my notebooks, on the margins of my text books and all other available 'gaps' on paper. But its just recently that I have been consciously trying to hone my sketching skills... Till now it was generally a sign of getting 'bored' during the lectures or loss of concentration during study hours.

This thought of 'learning' sketching came to my mind around 18 months back when I got a chance to interact with one of my collegues at my institute - He is an amazing cartoonist. I fixed some meetings with him to learn the basics of drawing. But for a long period after that I didn't really put in those learnings into practice. However recently (since 2 weeks or so), I have been trying to learn on my own. I draw whatever I can lay my eyes on - Geometric shapes, table objects, faces (my favourites since childhood), animated faces. I try to copy some interesting works available on the net and sometimes its just out of my own imagination.

PS: I shall post some on this blog once I start producing some 'decent' ones... :-)

Not every dream in life can be 'dreamt again'

The path ahead is curved not straight
I know I can’t turn back dear mate

But my past is my part, it can't be undone
Fragments of myself, I can’t shun

Tears, smiles, happiness aside
'Learning' is the key to life

Some wishes are like flowers strewn down the memory lane
Not every dream in life can be 'dreamt again'

Author: ME

Keep the faith but don't let yourself be blinded by it...

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

to sign or not to sign...

An informative article on the details of the 123 agreement...

Though some points made in the article make sense I do think that the author completely ignores the drawbacks of the deal... So, I am still not fully convinced about the argument... not from a 'world order' point of view ;-) but more from a cost-benefit view...

Monday, August 27, 2007

Groove on!

There is a special kind of joy in 'physical action', be it running, dancing, climbing or something as simple as jumping!

My favourite is of course dancing...

I have been attending two different dance classes over the past few weekends i.e. I have four dance sessions spread over Sat/sunday - 2 free style & two salsa sessions.
Though it leaves me very tired and exhausted at the end of the weekend, I love every moment of it. Every week, a new set of muscles starts aching, but strangely it gives me a lot pleasure... May be a sense of stretching beyond my physical limits, but more than that its an awareness of my own body... I can feel 'myself' more. I can feel my muscles, I can feel my tendons curving in...

PS: All this is apart from the fact that I love dancing :-) So, I am having great weekends :) Having a ball! .... as long as it lasts...

Thursday, August 23, 2007

सच है महज़ संघर्ष ही

Here is a poem that some of you (who took CBSE Hindi course 'A' in their X-standard :-) ) might have read. It was there in the curriculum poem book called 'Swati'.

Its very nice, inspirational piece of poetry... Its written by a very well known Hindi poet: Jagdish

I specially like the following two lines:

1. हमने रचा आओ हम ही अब तोड़ दें इस प्यार को
यह क्या मिलन, मिलना वही जो मोड़ दे मंझदार को

2. जब तक बंधी है चेतना, जब तक ह्रदय दुःख से घना
तब तक न मानूंगा कभी, इस राह को ही मैं सही

More on Hindi poetry later... :)

शब्द और अभिव्यक्ति (Shabd Aur Abhivyakti)

Dear visitors

Here is the link to my new blog

This one will primarily be in Hindi :-) This is my first try at blogging in Hindi, lets see how it goes... do check out!

Freedom of 'Choice'

So, the standoff on the nuke deal continues... I am not sure whom do I support - the Left or the Manmohan Singh camp - reason being I am still not very clear about the details of the deal... So, let me not take sides on this one.

But I do have something to say about the current world order.
A nation produces/ accumulates heap loads of weapons, enough to destroy the world 3 times over and goes on accusing other nations of 'carrying weapons of mass destruction'. Every American is legally allowed to carry arms because they think that 'everybody has right to self defence in case of an attack'. In sharp contrast to that ideology, when it comes to international matters, they comfortably ignore that other nations also have the right to self defence, so just by plain logic they too are free to carry/ develop arms in order to protect themselves from any future threats...

Similarly, for decades together, US & allies put in huge sums of money to develop their nuclear weapons and now they argue that other nations should not do the same. Excuse me! Why? So, that they continue to be the hooligan they are! so that they continue to push down the younger/ smaller/ weaker nations at their own sweet will!

Surely, the proponents of 'freedom of choice' comfortably ignore their ideologies when it comes to nations... You can't make people do things against their own benefits... Similarly, you can't make other Nations to act against their own benefits. They too have a 'choice', whether they want to develop arms or not (or for that matter choice for any other issue).

The world is currently driven by 'You tow my line OR expect dire consequences' kind of order... but it can't continue for long. And the world is very close to seeing this 'uprising' very soon. (or may be it has already started)

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

A thought...

Sometimes giving 'it' 'your all' is not good enough...
And sometimes the 'it' is not good enough for 'your all'?

Tuesday, August 21, 2007


I am very very bad at remembering names/ faces/ things. I meet somebody and after 20 days when I meet them again, I will be totally blank. Then I start on my soliloquy "Oh, I have met you somewhere.. but whr... Do I know you? Do I? Oh... You are .... I would have read about something, but when asked for the details, I would be like "Oh... aa... ummm.."

I have always cursed myself for these kind of situations and until very recently, I thought I can't help it... But now I think its turning into a vicious circle: I think that I can't remember, so I don't try to remember. And because I don't try to remember, I don't remember... I agree that at least 2 times out of 10, I can remember things if I try a bit harder.

But I think I can at least try and improve myself... One of my very very dear friends scolded me once - "If you don't pay attention, you will perish..." I think thats very true, so I shall try my best to pay attention from now on... cheers!!

Friday, August 17, 2007

I walk alone

I walk alone (Aug 2007)

No time to think, No time to cry
No time to lose, No time to try

No goals in mind, no shades in sight
No treasures to latch, no steps to match

A curved path, no view ahead
Yes, I am lost but not yet dead

My mistakes, my deeds I have to atone.
Frail but alive, I just walk alone

- A

.... Can't control those tears but still I am trying 
(written around Feb-End--Early March 2007)

You turn away and walk past me
You move along and trample on me

All those dreams of yours, that you set in my eyes
All your promises unkept, and all your lies

You didn't stand up for me and left me alone
The first test of time and you were gone

You showed me around and made this a talk of the town
Now you throw me at will, like a pet or a clown.

Your love was a lie, just a passing fad
You played with my life, now ask why am I mad?

You don’t care a thing, your life is just fine
Why did you come to me and ruined mine

Now you shout on me and say why do I blame
Coz' the world believes, but I know… your excuses are lame

You say of problems... now you have a family to see!
What happened to the promise that your family was me

The world laughs at me, breakups routine for them
The world will move over, my wounds will ever remain

Yes, I was wrong, to believe your words
Yes, I was wrong, in trusting you so much

My heart screams and my eyes are crying
Can't control those tears but still I am trying

--- composed by A

Monday, August 13, 2007

Gender cleansing

Just think about it… One out of every ten girls in India is killed at the time of birth.
-> For every nine girls we see, there was an infant who was murdered in her mom's womb just because she was a 'girl'.
-> Sex ratio in India has declined from 945/1000 in 1991 to 927/1000 in 2001… In states like Punjab, its as low as 790/1000!! (and given the fact that every family in Punjab has one male member outside the country - this ratio would actually be ~500/1000!!!!

We talk about ethnic cleansing of Jews by Nazis, ethnic cleansing of Hindus in Kashmir… what would you call this? Gender cleansing… We are so proud of our close-knit 'protective' family culture, but choose to turn a blind-eye to such gross inhumanities. Practices which have become so engrained in our system that nobody seems to mind them anymore. Its taken as casually as an unfortunate road accident - "oh-its-sad-but-its-all-part-of-life" kind of attitude…

We all know that every third medical lab in the locality does 'it', but no action is taken against them. Why? It’s a murder for Gods' sake!!!

What happens to our sense and sensiblities that we commit murder of our own children? In the rural areas the local 'dais' do this job -"killing the newborn girls by giving them a sharp jerk, that is, turning them upside-down and snapping their spinal cords, and then declaring them stillborn."… doesn’t that send a shiver down your spine?!... It does right? So we in urban areas have chosen smoother ways of escaping our guilt. In cities, medical 'professionals' help us make this murder easier. Educated young parents enter the local medical labs and ask their unborn baby girl to be killed. Few hours in the lab and with almost negligible pain (and negligible guilt), its all done…

Medical profession should be ashamed of systematically wiping 1/10th of the girl population year-after-year. Doctors are supposed to be the 'protectors' of life, they are regarded as Gods - and THEY for few thousand rupees take away an innocent human life. Don’t they feel GUILTY? Shouldn’t THEY feel guilty?

Shouldn't WE ALL feel guilty for turning a blind eye to all this?? Oh, so you think you are not part of this? Ah, so who made that sad face on hearing that her sister has given birth to another girl… And who was the one who agreed that her daughter should leave the studies so that her son can go to a public school… And who was the one who scoffed at the dowry gifts from her sister-in-law's side… and who was the one feeling 'superior' for having a son after looking at her neighbour's three daughters…

All these 'seemingly' small things are the reflection of our rotten minds and our perspective towards gender issues. Our attitudes shape our behavior - all these tiny little things add up to the reason why our 'great Indian' society has been murdering the girl child by the millions. Remember, society is made up of individuals. So do you really think that you can’t do anything about it? ASK YOURSELF AGAIN

Thursday, August 9, 2007

My untiring creative faculties

For whatever reasons, I have not been working since morning… I keep on alternating between tens of application windows open on my dual-monitor.

I am just too tempted to use my creative faculties today. I think I am a quite creative person - a little polishing is all I need to shine ;-) - I tried to create short rhymes on mails... tried writing my name on post-it notes for the thousandth time (how is that creative? - you have to see my desk for understanding that)... have been reading hundreds of arguments regarding hundreds of different (non-)grave issues... played some close-to-being-sadistic pranks on people around.. And as usual have been rocking my office chair to Justin Timberlake numbers since afternoon…

And now I am feeling guilty about wasting the whole day - so am writing this blog to acknowledge my guilt for wasting my 'paid' work hours…

By the way, taking from the topic of rocking the office chair - I think we should have a dancing room within the office premises. When I wake up in the morning I am generally ruing about the fact that I have to wake up so early, and when I reach back home, I am too tired to move my limbs around - so the only time I really really feel like dancing is during the office hours. Though thankfully, we have access to online music sites but that is still not good enough for compulsive perpetual 'groovers' like me; and my poor chair has to bear the brunt of it. Once in a while, certain other neighboring articles like the CPU (why the hell have they kept it so close to my feet!), the dustbin (again, so close to my chair) etc also come within the firing range…
So, if they could have a provision for a dancing room, that would not only be extremely beneficial for improving the overall 'work efficiency' but will also save the office furniture. And then there are other benefits like improving the employee moral and helping towards the 'said-but-never-meant' work-life balance;-)

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Words and promises

There are few words which I (truly) believe that should be used sparingly.... The first one is 'love' (ofcourse!), then 'sorry' - and then there are others like 'mine'/ 'my'/ 'never'/ 'forever'/ 'always' ---- Each of these words carries a promise within. So people should use them only when they intend to promise...

Be careful of people who say that promises are something you should 'try' to keep... 'trying' is a relative term - I might be trying my 100% or 90%... or may be just 30% - who decides?

"Oh, I tried to come on time for the party" Excuse me, what does that mean? It might mean that you couldn't leave some other work due to its criticality, or you were late because your girlfriend of two days wanted to go out for a drink before the party, or simply that you were sleeping like a bum and kept on snoozing the alarm.... But unlike the word 'trying', 'promise' is not a relative term - RATHER 'should' not be a relative word...

One should think (ask oneself several times) before promising - the 'bigger' the promise, the more one should think before uttering any word.

PS: Not that I do this 'always'... but I want to and 'try' to...

Happiness is within

Its not about the number of things that you are blessed with... Its about your attitude towards those things.

Its all a play of mind. So, if you keep on telling yourself you are sad, indeed you will 'feel' sad. Needless to say that opposite is quite true too.

Happiness is not about 'not having pain', its about smiling in spite of the pain within.

Flashback 2....

Tuesday, 7 August, 2007
Why do people write blog?

Why do people write blog?

Is it because they want to write or they want to share? Or is it because they want to express (well, I understand this is somewhat similar to the first option i.e. 'write')... Or is it because they have spare time in office...

Like all good questions in life, this one too doesn't have a definite answer. But I guess its the third one. or the second.... ummm, i think its the fifth - i.e. No definite reason - How stupid A!


Friday, 11 May, 2007
The painter

Tell me what am I supposed to do… My dear Ganesha is flowering blessings on me, right at the time when I was writing myself off...


Friday, 4 May, 2007
The artist...

Unbelievable - that’s the adjective that comes to my mind when I think about life…

And unpredictable - Right from the time when we are little kids we hear people say these things about life.
But now, I am really beginning to understand the reasons behind it.

Past two & a half years have changed my life in a big way. My thought process is no longer simple, my soul no longer unhurt… Life is like some odd, confused strokes by some amateur painter….But somewhere I believe that that painter is too great to make mistakes, so I look up to him and not say anything. I think he already knows what I can't even say.

PS: Apologies for using 'HE' for a gender neutral 'artist'. Read as She/ He


Tuesday, 1 May, 2007
Disclaimer to the argument

I don’t really believe in the argument in the bigger 'sphere' of things….. Read it carefully, it only talks about 'Search in…'

There are no 'collective decisions' in world. Whenever people talk about collective decisions, decision is taken by only one party*, rest 'n-1' abstain from decisions…

**** a party can have more than one individual but their interests are already common even before the discussions start*


Tuesday, 1 May, 2007
Argument: Search procedures involved with an arranged marriage are better than love ones.


Search procedures involved with an arranged marriage are better than love ones.

Support theory:
Arranged marriages are like an optimization algorithm. Each partner searches 'n' number of nodes before finalizing on a target. At the end of the match-making, each person (read 'Family') is satisfied because he/ she knows that they can't get better than this. In short, they know that this is the best they can get, so they 'have' to be happy with it.
Unlike this, there is a lot of 'cognitive dissonance' in love marriage proposals - lot of 'thinking' and 're-thinking' because somewhere at the back of their mind, each person 'thinks' that he 'deserves' more; this increases (manifold) the chances of going back on so-called 'commitments'.

There are other points too. Cost of 'search' for a 'love' marriage is much higher than cost of search for an 'arranged marriage'. Pls. note that cost includes cost of time and emotions. For e.g. time spent in 'finding' & courtship is much much more than time spent in printing an advertisement in matrimonial & arranging 'family' meetings. Same for emotional costs: If the option 'A', 'B', 'C' from amongst your shortlisted matrimonial list refuse to marry you, you might brood over it but then it won’t be for long. But if your partner of 'm' months refuses to marry you, you will have to go through a lot of heartburn. Also, there are no additional costs in 'arranged' marriages, like you don't need to fight with your parents. You don't need to fight with the society.

Now the important point. Specially in Indian context, individual lives have no 'value' at all (Pls. note that I am not saying if this is right or wrong). Given the fact that marriages are 'family' matters (& not between individuals), every person in the 'family' has equal voting rights in the decision process. (Though 'un'fortunately they are not equal 'stakeholders' :-) but anyways…) So, if everybody has equal voting rights, it makes sense that they are involved in the 'search' process itself.

PS 1: For those of you who know me well, you might be wondering why an Ayn Rand fan is counting the pros of a 'collective decision'. I would just say that life is not very simple, so even though you might feel that 'individualism' is very important, the other party might not feel the same. So, either choose a partner who too believes in this, or give heed to this argument... cause this is what works with the 'average' people of this world.

PS 2: Ever wonder why people still 'fall' in love?


Friday, 2 February, 2007
Musafir hoon yaaron... na ghar hai na thikana

Life changes so quickly...

World around me is in state of flux these days... people shifting jobs/ cities... getting married... getting engaged... and couples parting.
I was a bit sad that one of my roomie was leaving Bangalore and moving to Chennai. It felt just like yesterday that I met her..Then one of my friends remarked, "...hum log mussafir hain..". Thats was so apt... Its like meeting people on the journey. The only difference is that we have been together for a little while longer.
We are so close to so many people around. Never know what future has in store for each one of us.
I blink and the world has changed...


Thursday, 11 January, 2007
“Duty Demands Nothing in Turn. How can the world recompense rain?” - Thirukkural (Ancient Tamil literature)

Wish I could be that good... not too demand anything...As a child I was very much like that. But probably not now. I have overgrown my good self.

Expectations get formed on their own, involuntarily. And when one does something good and nobody acknowledges it... It doesn't feel right... It pinches somewhere.

But why did I do it? For 'recognition'? Not really. Did it just like that. So, it should not pinch. Move on A*. Keep walking. Keep doing what you feel like. Keep smiling.

flashback 1....

I wrote all this in a word document (named 'blog'), thinking that I will post this on my blog someday when I create one.... So here it is....


Dec 20, 2006
It beats me, how people can choose to be so unsympathetic.

One of the things that I liked about IISc was people did not have attitude problems. They considered people equal (largely), gave due respect to each other. There were no artificial boundaries, specially at the beginning of relationships.

Yes, the corporate world is different. I have already beginning to feel it. The groupings, the exclusions, the remarks, the absence of remarks, all so….


30 Oct 2006
You know the most beautiful thing I have ever come across, and I frequently come across… It’s the sky… with all its hues and patterns. Movements of clouds on its bosom, dance of sun-rays on its face. It says so much about life… Its vast, never fully explored. Same always, but always so different.

I loved sky as a child, as a playing young girl, as a growing woman… it still does not fail to intrigue me.

I love rains too, but one reason for that is probably that I like watching the sky; the sky brooding over the earth with water laden clouds. Sometimes, it smiles with millions of miniscule droplets trying to reach the ground but losing direction in the gutsy winds and sometimes, it roars with sudden showers with jumbo droplets falling head-on on the parched pavements.

I like the reds and the oranges, the blues and the grays, I like sky in all its moods and magnanimities.


11 Oct 2006
First crush, First love, first blush, First rain, first pain, are always so special…. And so close to the heart


12th Sept 2006
I was never able to specify which kind of movies do I really like. I just got the words for the same. I got those today…. “The kind of movie that grows inside me”. Hazaaron khwa.. is one of those


28h August 2006
Its a dull Monday, not a usually irritating one. It’s a dull Monday and a scary one.
All that we face in life is kind of easy when compared to facing oneself. Cause its easy to say what’s right and wrong. Difficulty lies in following it up. There are so many things that I know I am doing wrong but somehow I am not able to change those things. I know this is not the answer. This can’t be the excuse. I need to do something about it. I must. Then why do I back out? Why?


11 August 2006

11th is always a special date… Anyways..

I am in office. Its getting cloudy outside. Augurs of rain…
I love rain. I love watching the sky. I like clear skies and I like the water-laden clouds.

I remember, right from my childhood, I have always liked watching the clear clue sky, with cotton clouds spread over its wardrobe. They formed interesting shapes. And the blue of the sky is simply superb. Its unexplainable what it makes me feel. I am closer to myself when I am watching that blue of the sky.

I like the water-laden clouds....
... may be because I love rains; They have strange face as if looking down on the earth and waiting for the opportune moment to pour down their buckets. And then, as if watching the thirsty earth gobble down all those liters of rain. And then, watching those tiny-miny new leaves coming up on sleepy branches... and then, saying them goodbye and moving ahead to drench a new piece of land.


09 August 2006 (Rakhi)

Years seem like moments. Cliché’ but it actually seems like yesterday when we were kids. Going to Sarojini Nagar to meet our brothers.
I am feeling a bit nostalgic today. This is one of those few Rakhi days when am actually feeling very sentimental. And am realizing the importance of this festival that we Indians celebrate.