Friday, August 31, 2007

My new hobby - Sketching (drawing)

I know I am far from good at it but Sketching can safely be added to my list of hobbies now... Though its not really 'new' in the sense that I have been drawing since my junior days... at the back of my notebooks, on the margins of my text books and all other available 'gaps' on paper. But its just recently that I have been consciously trying to hone my sketching skills... Till now it was generally a sign of getting 'bored' during the lectures or loss of concentration during study hours.

This thought of 'learning' sketching came to my mind around 18 months back when I got a chance to interact with one of my collegues at my institute - He is an amazing cartoonist. I fixed some meetings with him to learn the basics of drawing. But for a long period after that I didn't really put in those learnings into practice. However recently (since 2 weeks or so), I have been trying to learn on my own. I draw whatever I can lay my eyes on - Geometric shapes, table objects, faces (my favourites since childhood), animated faces. I try to copy some interesting works available on the net and sometimes its just out of my own imagination.

PS: I shall post some on this blog once I start producing some 'decent' ones... :-)

Not every dream in life can be 'dreamt again'

The path ahead is curved not straight
I know I can’t turn back dear mate

But my past is my part, it can't be undone
Fragments of myself, I can’t shun

Tears, smiles, happiness aside
'Learning' is the key to life

Some wishes are like flowers strewn down the memory lane
Not every dream in life can be 'dreamt again'

Author: ME

Keep the faith but don't let yourself be blinded by it...

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

to sign or not to sign...

An informative article on the details of the 123 agreement...

Though some points made in the article make sense I do think that the author completely ignores the drawbacks of the deal... So, I am still not fully convinced about the argument... not from a 'world order' point of view ;-) but more from a cost-benefit view...

Monday, August 27, 2007

Groove on!

There is a special kind of joy in 'physical action', be it running, dancing, climbing or something as simple as jumping!

My favourite is of course dancing...

I have been attending two different dance classes over the past few weekends i.e. I have four dance sessions spread over Sat/sunday - 2 free style & two salsa sessions.
Though it leaves me very tired and exhausted at the end of the weekend, I love every moment of it. Every week, a new set of muscles starts aching, but strangely it gives me a lot pleasure... May be a sense of stretching beyond my physical limits, but more than that its an awareness of my own body... I can feel 'myself' more. I can feel my muscles, I can feel my tendons curving in...

PS: All this is apart from the fact that I love dancing :-) So, I am having great weekends :) Having a ball! .... as long as it lasts...

Thursday, August 23, 2007

सच है महज़ संघर्ष ही

Here is a poem that some of you (who took CBSE Hindi course 'A' in their X-standard :-) ) might have read. It was there in the curriculum poem book called 'Swati'.

Its very nice, inspirational piece of poetry... Its written by a very well known Hindi poet: Jagdish

I specially like the following two lines:

1. हमने रचा आओ हम ही अब तोड़ दें इस प्यार को
यह क्या मिलन, मिलना वही जो मोड़ दे मंझदार को

2. जब तक बंधी है चेतना, जब तक ह्रदय दुःख से घना
तब तक न मानूंगा कभी, इस राह को ही मैं सही

More on Hindi poetry later... :)

शब्द और अभिव्यक्ति (Shabd Aur Abhivyakti)

Dear visitors

Here is the link to my new blog

This one will primarily be in Hindi :-) This is my first try at blogging in Hindi, lets see how it goes... do check out!

Freedom of 'Choice'

So, the standoff on the nuke deal continues... I am not sure whom do I support - the Left or the Manmohan Singh camp - reason being I am still not very clear about the details of the deal... So, let me not take sides on this one.

But I do have something to say about the current world order.
A nation produces/ accumulates heap loads of weapons, enough to destroy the world 3 times over and goes on accusing other nations of 'carrying weapons of mass destruction'. Every American is legally allowed to carry arms because they think that 'everybody has right to self defence in case of an attack'. In sharp contrast to that ideology, when it comes to international matters, they comfortably ignore that other nations also have the right to self defence, so just by plain logic they too are free to carry/ develop arms in order to protect themselves from any future threats...

Similarly, for decades together, US & allies put in huge sums of money to develop their nuclear weapons and now they argue that other nations should not do the same. Excuse me! Why? So, that they continue to be the hooligan they are! so that they continue to push down the younger/ smaller/ weaker nations at their own sweet will!

Surely, the proponents of 'freedom of choice' comfortably ignore their ideologies when it comes to nations... You can't make people do things against their own benefits... Similarly, you can't make other Nations to act against their own benefits. They too have a 'choice', whether they want to develop arms or not (or for that matter choice for any other issue).

The world is currently driven by 'You tow my line OR expect dire consequences' kind of order... but it can't continue for long. And the world is very close to seeing this 'uprising' very soon. (or may be it has already started)

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

A thought...

Sometimes giving 'it' 'your all' is not good enough...
And sometimes the 'it' is not good enough for 'your all'?

Tuesday, August 21, 2007


I am very very bad at remembering names/ faces/ things. I meet somebody and after 20 days when I meet them again, I will be totally blank. Then I start on my soliloquy "Oh, I have met you somewhere.. but whr... Do I know you? Do I? Oh... You are .... I would have read about something, but when asked for the details, I would be like "Oh... aa... ummm.."

I have always cursed myself for these kind of situations and until very recently, I thought I can't help it... But now I think its turning into a vicious circle: I think that I can't remember, so I don't try to remember. And because I don't try to remember, I don't remember... I agree that at least 2 times out of 10, I can remember things if I try a bit harder.

But I think I can at least try and improve myself... One of my very very dear friends scolded me once - "If you don't pay attention, you will perish..." I think thats very true, so I shall try my best to pay attention from now on... cheers!!

Friday, August 17, 2007

I walk alone

I walk alone (Aug 2007)

No time to think, No time to cry
No time to lose, No time to try

No goals in mind, no shades in sight
No treasures to latch, no steps to match

A curved path, no view ahead
Yes, I am lost but not yet dead

My mistakes, my deeds I have to atone.
Frail but alive, I just walk alone

- A

.... Can't control those tears but still I am trying 
(written around Feb-End--Early March 2007)

You turn away and walk past me
You move along and trample on me

All those dreams of yours, that you set in my eyes
All your promises unkept, and all your lies

You didn't stand up for me and left me alone
The first test of time and you were gone

You showed me around and made this a talk of the town
Now you throw me at will, like a pet or a clown.

Your love was a lie, just a passing fad
You played with my life, now ask why am I mad?

You don’t care a thing, your life is just fine
Why did you come to me and ruined mine

Now you shout on me and say why do I blame
Coz' the world believes, but I know… your excuses are lame

You say of problems... now you have a family to see!
What happened to the promise that your family was me

The world laughs at me, breakups routine for them
The world will move over, my wounds will ever remain

Yes, I was wrong, to believe your words
Yes, I was wrong, in trusting you so much

My heart screams and my eyes are crying
Can't control those tears but still I am trying

--- composed by A

Monday, August 13, 2007

Gender cleansing

Just think about it… One out of every ten girls in India is killed at the time of birth.
-> For every nine girls we see, there was an infant who was murdered in her mom's womb just because she was a 'girl'.
-> Sex ratio in India has declined from 945/1000 in 1991 to 927/1000 in 2001… In states like Punjab, its as low as 790/1000!! (and given the fact that every family in Punjab has one male member outside the country - this ratio would actually be ~500/1000!!!!

We talk about ethnic cleansing of Jews by Nazis, ethnic cleansing of Hindus in Kashmir… what would you call this? Gender cleansing… We are so proud of our close-knit 'protective' family culture, but choose to turn a blind-eye to such gross inhumanities. Practices which have become so engrained in our system that nobody seems to mind them anymore. Its taken as casually as an unfortunate road accident - "oh-its-sad-but-its-all-part-of-life" kind of attitude…

We all know that every third medical lab in the locality does 'it', but no action is taken against them. Why? It’s a murder for Gods' sake!!!

What happens to our sense and sensiblities that we commit murder of our own children? In the rural areas the local 'dais' do this job -"killing the newborn girls by giving them a sharp jerk, that is, turning them upside-down and snapping their spinal cords, and then declaring them stillborn."… doesn’t that send a shiver down your spine?!... It does right? So we in urban areas have chosen smoother ways of escaping our guilt. In cities, medical 'professionals' help us make this murder easier. Educated young parents enter the local medical labs and ask their unborn baby girl to be killed. Few hours in the lab and with almost negligible pain (and negligible guilt), its all done…

Medical profession should be ashamed of systematically wiping 1/10th of the girl population year-after-year. Doctors are supposed to be the 'protectors' of life, they are regarded as Gods - and THEY for few thousand rupees take away an innocent human life. Don’t they feel GUILTY? Shouldn’t THEY feel guilty?

Shouldn't WE ALL feel guilty for turning a blind eye to all this?? Oh, so you think you are not part of this? Ah, so who made that sad face on hearing that her sister has given birth to another girl… And who was the one who agreed that her daughter should leave the studies so that her son can go to a public school… And who was the one who scoffed at the dowry gifts from her sister-in-law's side… and who was the one feeling 'superior' for having a son after looking at her neighbour's three daughters…

All these 'seemingly' small things are the reflection of our rotten minds and our perspective towards gender issues. Our attitudes shape our behavior - all these tiny little things add up to the reason why our 'great Indian' society has been murdering the girl child by the millions. Remember, society is made up of individuals. So do you really think that you can’t do anything about it? ASK YOURSELF AGAIN

Thursday, August 9, 2007

My untiring creative faculties

For whatever reasons, I have not been working since morning… I keep on alternating between tens of application windows open on my dual-monitor.

I am just too tempted to use my creative faculties today. I think I am a quite creative person - a little polishing is all I need to shine ;-) - I tried to create short rhymes on mails... tried writing my name on post-it notes for the thousandth time (how is that creative? - you have to see my desk for understanding that)... have been reading hundreds of arguments regarding hundreds of different (non-)grave issues... played some close-to-being-sadistic pranks on people around.. And as usual have been rocking my office chair to Justin Timberlake numbers since afternoon…

And now I am feeling guilty about wasting the whole day - so am writing this blog to acknowledge my guilt for wasting my 'paid' work hours…

By the way, taking from the topic of rocking the office chair - I think we should have a dancing room within the office premises. When I wake up in the morning I am generally ruing about the fact that I have to wake up so early, and when I reach back home, I am too tired to move my limbs around - so the only time I really really feel like dancing is during the office hours. Though thankfully, we have access to online music sites but that is still not good enough for compulsive perpetual 'groovers' like me; and my poor chair has to bear the brunt of it. Once in a while, certain other neighboring articles like the CPU (why the hell have they kept it so close to my feet!), the dustbin (again, so close to my chair) etc also come within the firing range…
So, if they could have a provision for a dancing room, that would not only be extremely beneficial for improving the overall 'work efficiency' but will also save the office furniture. And then there are other benefits like improving the employee moral and helping towards the 'said-but-never-meant' work-life balance;-)

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Words and promises

There are few words which I (truly) believe that should be used sparingly.... The first one is 'love' (ofcourse!), then 'sorry' - and then there are others like 'mine'/ 'my'/ 'never'/ 'forever'/ 'always' ---- Each of these words carries a promise within. So people should use them only when they intend to promise...

Be careful of people who say that promises are something you should 'try' to keep... 'trying' is a relative term - I might be trying my 100% or 90%... or may be just 30% - who decides?

"Oh, I tried to come on time for the party" Excuse me, what does that mean? It might mean that you couldn't leave some other work due to its criticality, or you were late because your girlfriend of two days wanted to go out for a drink before the party, or simply that you were sleeping like a bum and kept on snoozing the alarm.... But unlike the word 'trying', 'promise' is not a relative term - RATHER 'should' not be a relative word...

One should think (ask oneself several times) before promising - the 'bigger' the promise, the more one should think before uttering any word.

PS: Not that I do this 'always'... but I want to and 'try' to...

Happiness is within

Its not about the number of things that you are blessed with... Its about your attitude towards those things.

Its all a play of mind. So, if you keep on telling yourself you are sad, indeed you will 'feel' sad. Needless to say that opposite is quite true too.

Happiness is not about 'not having pain', its about smiling in spite of the pain within.

Flashback 2....

Tuesday, 7 August, 2007
Why do people write blog?

Why do people write blog?

Is it because they want to write or they want to share? Or is it because they want to express (well, I understand this is somewhat similar to the first option i.e. 'write')... Or is it because they have spare time in office...

Like all good questions in life, this one too doesn't have a definite answer. But I guess its the third one. or the second.... ummm, i think its the fifth - i.e. No definite reason - How stupid A!


Friday, 11 May, 2007
The painter

Tell me what am I supposed to do… My dear Ganesha is flowering blessings on me, right at the time when I was writing myself off...


Friday, 4 May, 2007
The artist...

Unbelievable - that’s the adjective that comes to my mind when I think about life…

And unpredictable - Right from the time when we are little kids we hear people say these things about life.
But now, I am really beginning to understand the reasons behind it.

Past two & a half years have changed my life in a big way. My thought process is no longer simple, my soul no longer unhurt… Life is like some odd, confused strokes by some amateur painter….But somewhere I believe that that painter is too great to make mistakes, so I look up to him and not say anything. I think he already knows what I can't even say.

PS: Apologies for using 'HE' for a gender neutral 'artist'. Read as She/ He


Tuesday, 1 May, 2007
Disclaimer to the argument

I don’t really believe in the argument in the bigger 'sphere' of things….. Read it carefully, it only talks about 'Search in…'

There are no 'collective decisions' in world. Whenever people talk about collective decisions, decision is taken by only one party*, rest 'n-1' abstain from decisions…

**** a party can have more than one individual but their interests are already common even before the discussions start*


Tuesday, 1 May, 2007
Argument: Search procedures involved with an arranged marriage are better than love ones.


Search procedures involved with an arranged marriage are better than love ones.

Support theory:
Arranged marriages are like an optimization algorithm. Each partner searches 'n' number of nodes before finalizing on a target. At the end of the match-making, each person (read 'Family') is satisfied because he/ she knows that they can't get better than this. In short, they know that this is the best they can get, so they 'have' to be happy with it.
Unlike this, there is a lot of 'cognitive dissonance' in love marriage proposals - lot of 'thinking' and 're-thinking' because somewhere at the back of their mind, each person 'thinks' that he 'deserves' more; this increases (manifold) the chances of going back on so-called 'commitments'.

There are other points too. Cost of 'search' for a 'love' marriage is much higher than cost of search for an 'arranged marriage'. Pls. note that cost includes cost of time and emotions. For e.g. time spent in 'finding' & courtship is much much more than time spent in printing an advertisement in matrimonial & arranging 'family' meetings. Same for emotional costs: If the option 'A', 'B', 'C' from amongst your shortlisted matrimonial list refuse to marry you, you might brood over it but then it won’t be for long. But if your partner of 'm' months refuses to marry you, you will have to go through a lot of heartburn. Also, there are no additional costs in 'arranged' marriages, like you don't need to fight with your parents. You don't need to fight with the society.

Now the important point. Specially in Indian context, individual lives have no 'value' at all (Pls. note that I am not saying if this is right or wrong). Given the fact that marriages are 'family' matters (& not between individuals), every person in the 'family' has equal voting rights in the decision process. (Though 'un'fortunately they are not equal 'stakeholders' :-) but anyways…) So, if everybody has equal voting rights, it makes sense that they are involved in the 'search' process itself.

PS 1: For those of you who know me well, you might be wondering why an Ayn Rand fan is counting the pros of a 'collective decision'. I would just say that life is not very simple, so even though you might feel that 'individualism' is very important, the other party might not feel the same. So, either choose a partner who too believes in this, or give heed to this argument... cause this is what works with the 'average' people of this world.

PS 2: Ever wonder why people still 'fall' in love?


Friday, 2 February, 2007
Musafir hoon yaaron... na ghar hai na thikana

Life changes so quickly...

World around me is in state of flux these days... people shifting jobs/ cities... getting married... getting engaged... and couples parting.
I was a bit sad that one of my roomie was leaving Bangalore and moving to Chennai. It felt just like yesterday that I met her..Then one of my friends remarked, "...hum log mussafir hain..". Thats was so apt... Its like meeting people on the journey. The only difference is that we have been together for a little while longer.
We are so close to so many people around. Never know what future has in store for each one of us.
I blink and the world has changed...


Thursday, 11 January, 2007
“Duty Demands Nothing in Turn. How can the world recompense rain?” - Thirukkural (Ancient Tamil literature)

Wish I could be that good... not too demand anything...As a child I was very much like that. But probably not now. I have overgrown my good self.

Expectations get formed on their own, involuntarily. And when one does something good and nobody acknowledges it... It doesn't feel right... It pinches somewhere.

But why did I do it? For 'recognition'? Not really. Did it just like that. So, it should not pinch. Move on A*. Keep walking. Keep doing what you feel like. Keep smiling.

flashback 1....

I wrote all this in a word document (named 'blog'), thinking that I will post this on my blog someday when I create one.... So here it is....


Dec 20, 2006
It beats me, how people can choose to be so unsympathetic.

One of the things that I liked about IISc was people did not have attitude problems. They considered people equal (largely), gave due respect to each other. There were no artificial boundaries, specially at the beginning of relationships.

Yes, the corporate world is different. I have already beginning to feel it. The groupings, the exclusions, the remarks, the absence of remarks, all so….


30 Oct 2006
You know the most beautiful thing I have ever come across, and I frequently come across… It’s the sky… with all its hues and patterns. Movements of clouds on its bosom, dance of sun-rays on its face. It says so much about life… Its vast, never fully explored. Same always, but always so different.

I loved sky as a child, as a playing young girl, as a growing woman… it still does not fail to intrigue me.

I love rains too, but one reason for that is probably that I like watching the sky; the sky brooding over the earth with water laden clouds. Sometimes, it smiles with millions of miniscule droplets trying to reach the ground but losing direction in the gutsy winds and sometimes, it roars with sudden showers with jumbo droplets falling head-on on the parched pavements.

I like the reds and the oranges, the blues and the grays, I like sky in all its moods and magnanimities.


11 Oct 2006
First crush, First love, first blush, First rain, first pain, are always so special…. And so close to the heart


12th Sept 2006
I was never able to specify which kind of movies do I really like. I just got the words for the same. I got those today…. “The kind of movie that grows inside me”. Hazaaron khwa.. is one of those


28h August 2006
Its a dull Monday, not a usually irritating one. It’s a dull Monday and a scary one.
All that we face in life is kind of easy when compared to facing oneself. Cause its easy to say what’s right and wrong. Difficulty lies in following it up. There are so many things that I know I am doing wrong but somehow I am not able to change those things. I know this is not the answer. This can’t be the excuse. I need to do something about it. I must. Then why do I back out? Why?


11 August 2006

11th is always a special date… Anyways..

I am in office. Its getting cloudy outside. Augurs of rain…
I love rain. I love watching the sky. I like clear skies and I like the water-laden clouds.

I remember, right from my childhood, I have always liked watching the clear clue sky, with cotton clouds spread over its wardrobe. They formed interesting shapes. And the blue of the sky is simply superb. Its unexplainable what it makes me feel. I am closer to myself when I am watching that blue of the sky.

I like the water-laden clouds....
... may be because I love rains; They have strange face as if looking down on the earth and waiting for the opportune moment to pour down their buckets. And then, as if watching the thirsty earth gobble down all those liters of rain. And then, watching those tiny-miny new leaves coming up on sleepy branches... and then, saying them goodbye and moving ahead to drench a new piece of land.


09 August 2006 (Rakhi)

Years seem like moments. Cliché’ but it actually seems like yesterday when we were kids. Going to Sarojini Nagar to meet our brothers.
I am feeling a bit nostalgic today. This is one of those few Rakhi days when am actually feeling very sentimental. And am realizing the importance of this festival that we Indians celebrate.